Monday, October 27, 2008

Cutting and Connecting

Today at dinner Curtis declared "I learned how to use a staple gun." First thought: "Yeah, I didn't have to go to medical school to learn that..." but I held my smart comment in and asked questions. I was curious about this disposable (that's right, at $200 a pop) stapler that involved a blade and two staplers on either side. Wait, a blade? After a demonstration involving a torn paper towel rolled to mimic a bowel, I understood. Still it was puzzling: cutting and connecting, simultaneously.

Curtis will graduate from medical school on May 15, 2010. As that date draws closer, the reality of moving or staying now, in five years, in ten years always bring a sense of skepticism, an unsureness. Change is a variable, a hugely unknown variable. And even though connecting with new people brings adventure and excitement, it also means breaking apart from other people and communities I love desperately.

My mom's dad, my grandpa, died two weeks ago. He's had deteriorating health for the last year, but has been in danger of dying for a few decades. He was supposed to die when he was in a serious car accident thirty-one years ago, and he's been quite the miracle ever since. Even so, death is hard. Losing someone, even when your time with them was far beyond what you expected, is hard. The world continues, even though something precious has been lost.

Wounds mend and heal and close, and the pain subsides as the newness fades to normalcy. And in the end there is value in the scar, because it holds the story.

2 comments:

  1. oh ashley, im sorry about your grandpa. sending you a hug.

    you write very beautifully.

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  2. Thanks. :) I am enjoying writing again...even though I only do it when I should be doing my grad school writing.

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