Sunday, January 13, 2013

Rain, Rest, and Reestablishing Normal

It has been a wet weekend. Our (practically) snowless winter has not been dampened with the arrival of much precipitation in temperatures in the thirties--which meant rain and slush and melt. Eventually it will all return to frozen--this is still January after all--and when it does the water-covered ice rink that is my neighborhood will simply just be ice.

Leaving town felt good this weekend. I didn't bring papers to read or grade, and if Curtis brought medical journals or board studying materials he never pulled them out. We slept until we woke up (disappointingly early, and certainly before daylight), weathered a small earthquake at 3:30am, and watched my brother play basketball while chatting with friends. There was little in the way of schedule, virtually nothing on the agenda, and when drives to and from became slow because of weather there was no reason to fret--there was no where else we needed to be.

Unlike the laziness of rural Alaskan highway, there is so much to be done at home. There are taxes to be prepped, baby "stuff" to organize and purchase, lesson plans to be completed for maternity leave, and endless decisions to be made about the future. Normally I'd revert to attack mode and check items off the list one by one. Currently I'm in sleep mode, often choosing between a thirty-minute eliptical session or making dinner before officially running out of energy after work. 

Life is changing. It some ways I feel very ready, but in others it is taking me longer to adjust. And just as rain in January feels like a mockery of what winter is "supposed" to look like, I feel like my exhaustion and need for (what feels like) excessive amounts of sleep and rest has made me different from who I am "supposed" to be. Yet I am the person that created those expectations, and probably the only person disappointed when I don't meet them.

Change is a slow process, and while some shifts will come whether we're ready or not, this new rhythm we are approaching--and in some ways already experiencing--may not feel normal for a while. In that way the rain feels quite fitting. 

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